It takes a real man to instill in his daughter, confidence, self-awareness, inner strength, and an empowered identity, from a young age.
 
My husband Christopher is that man to our daughter Sofia. She is a student-athlete that found basketball to be her favorite outlet. She plays competitive AAU basketball. My father, an immigrant to this country, is a now retired successful surgeon, and a strong yet, vulnerable man, who was that man to me when I was growing up, treating me the same as my brother, seeing me as his child above all else, regardless of being “a girl.” If you are a woman also blessed with a father who was man enough to raise a strong woman--a woman who knows who she is, what she stands for, and is unwavering in that knowledge--consider yourself blessed. If you are one of those men-- thank you and God Bless you.
 
Kobe Bryant, by all accounts, was that man to his daughters (Natalia Diamante Bryant, Gianna Maria-Onore Bryant, Bianka Bella Bryant, and Capri Kobe Bryant). As we all learned this week of his and Gianna's fatal accident aboard a helicopter with a group of others that included, fathers, husbands, mothers, wives, and daughters, make no mistake, as much as this was a “sports tragedy,” it was more a family tragedy, as several families, in one horrific moment, were irrevocably broken forever.
 
Up until that tragic moment though, in Kobe and Gianna “Gigi” Bryant, there was a beautiful, resilient, father-daughter relationship that can continue to serve as an inspiration for us all, man or woman. I am blessed to see such a relationship play out in front of my eyes every day, a father daughter relationship that I would like to think shares similarities to the one Kobe and Gigi shared.
 
In the eighth grade, while playing in a basketball game in Oregon, Sofia wasn't hitting any of her shots or hustling, she was just flat on both ends of the court. Christopher, one of her coaches at that time, called her over, told her to stop, breathe, have a sip of water, and then go back and to just “play.”  She did just that. She played her heart out and had an incredible game, catching the eyes of others.  She later told me, “what dad was trying to tell me was that sometimes I just need to slow down, relax and not let my mind play tricks on me.”
 
The outward simplicity of that advice is a reflection of the strong bond that Christopher and Sofia share, where in one glance, one firm look, one brutally honest statement--she gets what he is saying.
 
Sofia also treasures other constant pieces of basketball and life advice from her father, including “The face you put on the court is the face people will judge you for, for the rest of your life,” “Basketball is like life--you can’t be the last one to run back because it gives the impression that you don’t care,” and “When you’re not hitting your shots, there is always somewhere else where you can contribute because you are always counted on and needed.”
 
I look on with a mother’s pride as my husband and daughter spend time together.  They have a beautiful friendship and share so much in common.  I must admit at first I was jealous. But I see how spending time with Christopher, learning from her father, cultivates that strong, self-aware, incredibly confident identity in Sofia. Others can see it too.
 
Every adult that comes into contact with Sofia, comments about how grounded and self-aware she is, and how refreshing it is to see that level of maturity in someone her age of 16. Sofia knows exactly who she is and what she wants. Perhaps the maturity, wisdom, and certainty that people see in her eyes, come from a father who demands the same level of effort and excellence from her, that he demands from himself and others around him.
 
Kobe’s daughter also knew what she wanted, to play basketball and one day in the WNBA. With a father’s pride, Kobe nurtured her goal and drive to get there, unabashedly. That little girl’s love of basketball seemed to reignite his own passion for the sport that made him a champion. As a result, in this new and ultimately final chapter of his life, he became a champion for strong girls and the strong women they will become.
 
We so often celebrate mother-daughter relationships and father-son ones. Perhaps the silver lining that came from this terrible tragedy is the reminder to celebrate the unique father-daughter relationships.
 
If you want us to be strong women who know who we are, and aren’t afraid to stand up for what we believe in, to be leaders in the workforce, and the world-- fathers, please stop what you’re doing and spend time (quality time) with your daughters. The investment you make in your daughter now could be a part of her defining personality and future identity. The strength and mental toughness you instill in her today might end up being the mountain she stands upon to face self-doubt, bullying, or other life challenges she may face in the future. Your unwavering belief in your daughter just might be what gives her the courage to go forward when that seems like the hardest thing in the world to do. And, I speak from experience when I say, she will never ever forget where those things came from!
 
You may never be a superstar legend in the world’s eyes--but you can be one in your daughter’s eyes.

From my book: It's All About the Woman Who Wears It: 10 Laws for Being Smart, Successful, and Sexy Too

My first semester of law school was hard. All of law school was a challenge, but I had a particularly difficult time in the first semester. My grades were not reflecting my knowledge and passion for the law. I needed to find out how to sync everything up. In search of professional guidance, I met with one of the deans at my school. Trusting that she had the knowledge and resources to get me back on track and help me move forward toward my dream of becoming a lawyer, I shared all my concerns, my fears, and my questions with her. I finished my story and waited for the pearls of wisdom to start flowing from across the desk.

Without even looking at my file or asking me a single question, she suggested that perhaps law school was not for me at all. The details of this life-changing event are still so vivid in my memory almost twenty years later. I remember this woman’s demeanor, the way she spoke, and how she delivered her verdict.

I felt like the rug had been ripped out from under me, and it was difficult to even catch my breath. After that, I did what so many other women do in situations like this: I took her words completely to heart and soon convinced myself that this woman must be right and maybe I should think of quitting law school. But then the “I” kicked in and, like lava out of a volcano, I erupted. I was furious! I thought, How dare she tell me what I am or am not capable of? Who is she to make these assumptions about me?

I often wonder and even try to guess why she did it and why she handled the situation the way she did. I wonder why she said these things to me without even bothering to open my file. From her point of view, as a professional in a position of authority, she may have thought she was carrying out her responsibility and simply conveying information and informing me of the risks inherent in law school. Or perhaps at one point in her life another woman treated her this way and she was paying the “favor” forward. I guess I will never know.

But what I learned was that women in positions of power should avoid handling similar situations like this. There is the potential of changing the course of someone’s life in the course of one careless conversation. They can still balance their professional responsibilities with their personal opinions. But in their position, they need to be reminded of their power to inspire a young person closer to their dreams or shoot them down before they can even get started.

This nearly happened to me. Here was this woman simply giving me her quick, offhand opinion about my situation, without really even knowing anything about me, and in my mind I made her words the gospel. I turned her opinion, probably one of hundreds that she gave every semester, into absolute, indisputable fact. At that point in my life I was very easily influenced by what others thought of me because I thought it was right to care. What an idiot I was! But this anger I experienced reawakened me. It made me snap out of my feelings of insecurity, and allowed me to refocus on my goals and tap into my inner strength that has never left me since.

I eventually realized that without the struggle, like the one I was experiencing in law school, what is something really worth in life? As a result of that woman challenging me, I accessed the strongest parts of myself and let my passion for the law help me soar higher than ever. I think this is when I really started to tune in to the gift of being a woman. This was the beginning of my metamorphosis.

I can’t help but wonder how that dean felt when I addressed the entire school at graduation as student body president.